Getting Less Ambitious

 I am learning to be less ambitious.  My college educations didn't help me that much.  From Acupuncture, I got one paying client, and from Graphic Design, I got one paying job so far.  Results don't matter.  Good people are poor and live humble lives.

My hobbies became my profession and my educations became my hobbies.  You learn by doing.  College is a type of scam where you take a loan, you get a fake education in fake principles not based on reality, and you graduate in student loan debt in hopes of recovering the investment.  I was brought up thinking a Jew must have a college degree.

I have been doing grappling and judo a long time.  It has been over 20 years.  20 years is a generation.  I am like Rumpelstiltzken waking up in a future generation.  But now I am the Master.

I know money is not everything.  It is worldly power and freedom, but any Hindu knows, money is simply our obligation in the world.  A spiritual man doesn't live for this world, but he does his duty because he must.  Going to work is liking going to a war.

My acupuncture degree didn't help me.  It is just theoretical knowledge.  My graphic design education was thorough and I learned slowly and gradually over the course of 2 or 3 years.  In acupuncture college, I was an A+ student, in graphic design I was a C+ student.  Studying and doing are two things.  You can be the best student and the worst at actually doing it, or you can be a mediocre student who never gives up on himself and eventually succeeds.  

I know I am the best graphic designer possible.  I have been studying art and mythology at my hometown library for over 30 years.  I started using sketchbooks in the 90s.  I was educated in high school in English and computers.  And I like being creative and socializing.  

But ultimately, I just want to have fun.  Life is about having fun.  I always enjoyed grappling of all kinds and realize it is all derived from Judo.  And I always liked music videos and saw how the Chinsy Beatles music was derived from the black music of the American south.  That is what the British Invasion was all about, British people playing black people's music for a virulently racist American white audience.  The Americans would not buy black people's records, but they would buy the same music from white people.  America is a racist country founded on slavery.

So the beat goes on and I continue.  I don't want to make more money and marry and have children.  Marriage is for children.  Dating is for having fun.  Prostitution is a part of life.  Most women do handjobs and footjobs and blowjobs for money.  The myth of the good girl is a myth.  By 15 or 16, most people are fucking and fighting and making money.  So the best part of life is between the ages of 8 and 15 when children are developing and learning as much as possible.  Once they start working and fucking, they are already corrupt.

I will live out my years in peace.  I realize the graphic design education was better than the acupuncture education because it is more in line with who I am.  I am a creative person not a doctor.  I am not mature enough to be a doctor.

Judo gave me a lot of joy.  I was undefeated for 15 years.  And I played guitar for 25 years, and got really good about 20 years ago.  For the past generation, I was the king of rock n roll in a time when music was commercial crap.  I liked Kurt Cobain and felt he ruined the world by committing suicide.  Only a coward dies leaving behind a wife and child.  He died in 1993, the Beatles released their 30 year reissue in 1994, and I started guitar lessons in 1995.  That was 25 years ago.  So for a quarter of a century, I have been a musician.

I need to get less ambitious.  My two educations didn't help me.  It is just a scam to make money.  If you want to be a businessman, learn psychology and military strategy, and above all learn how to socialize.  If you cannot socialize, you cannot work.  I just want to do my hobbies and live a less ambitious life.

If I was smart, I would study Psychology.  Every guy who has problems and is fairly intelligent studies psychology to gain greater insight into what is going on in his mind.  And those crazy bitches at mental health clinics all do porn on the evenings and weekends.  Reversal is the movement of the Tao.  If you are crazy learn psychology.  If you can't fight, get some judo instruction.  If you are frail, do bodybuilding.  If you are lonely, play a musical instrument.  We compensate for what we don't have.

When I was training boxing, my coach said to me 'I think Buddhist Psychology is right up your alley.'  But I wanted to be the heavyweight champion of the world and I was not mature.  Now that I mastered Judo and Graphic Design, I see that I should do something better.  Judo and Art are both for children.  The Japanese excel at Art and Wrestling because they are simple and childlike.  But I must go beyond childhood.

So I can be less ambitious but more fulfilled, but still have the desire to improve my position in the world.  I like helping people and teaching them.  If I could practice in a clinical setting, I could use all my knowledge of art, music, judo, diet, psychology, philosophy, sexology, etc...  A Psych worker is a kind of soothsayer giving sick people advice.  And I am all about Shamanic culture.

So I resolve to continue and keep striving.  The Corona Virus ruined America and all we can do is learn to cope.  I know I will survive.  I will just stay focused and just do what I can do.