Lowered Expectations

You can't go forcing something if it's just not right.  I learned this from a freakin Green Day song.  You cannot beat the Truth.  The truth is immutable.  Since it has power, it can be used to help or to hurt.  But a good man uses the truth to help and the a ninja uses the truth to hurt.  So I contrast the virtues of the Samurai and the Ninja.  Let us begin

I was not meant to work a freakin day job.  I have two college educations and it doesn't help me at all.  My education in acupuncture gave me a theoretical understanding of health and nutrition and disease prevention.  And my education in graphic design gave me a fun hobby to pass the time and express creative energy.  But if you cannot monetize these skills, it doesn't matter.

I have been doing guitar since 1995 and wrestling since 1989 and grappling since 1998.  You are your experiences.  You learn by doing.  Theoretical knowledge is almost useless.  So my hobbies became my profession, and my education became my hobbies.  So aha, my philosophy wins again.  Reversal is the movement of the Tao.  Things flow from extreme yin to extreme yang, and when you embody harmony, you embody God's virtues of balance, integrity, moderation, and humility.  Androgyny is the sacred state.

So like I once heard from a karate teacher, life comes full circle.  By 1995, I was a zen master, a hunchback, and a musician,  and 25 years later, I return to the original face.  All my educations didn't even help me, it doesn't matter.  Martial arts, medicine, nutrition, art, writing, the strippety strip, some odd jobs, a mean fish curry, etc... these skills are almost useless.  I never had to work to support myself, so I had a lot of free time to develop hobbies.

The secret to raising good kids is to make them learn for themselves.  When you give someone something free, you enable them.  When you teach them how to do it for themselves, you empower them.  And parents who don't love their children will ruin their children's psychology.

A mother should lift her son up, a father should enforce discipline.  It should not be the other way around.  This is why homosexuals and lesbians and transgenders and adoptive parents are all wrong people.  The family unit is the premise of society.  A man should be a strong king, but be merciful.  A woman should embody love and caring but be strong enough to preserve boundaries.  And children should not rebel against their own parents.  In the USA, it is a punk youth culture.  But in China, they follow the family tradition.  But you will find in the end, that you cannot change your genetics.  You will probably be the same height as your father, have the same talent, and work in the same profession.  A father who doesn't give his son a business to inherit is a bad father.  My father lost his mind 30 years ago, and became a bizarre madman fighting and fighting and never winning and never admitting defeat.  

I realize I am in a diminished state.  I can only do what I can do.  My educations didn't help me.  And my three hobbies of judo, music, and cooking are the only things I can monetize.  The great thing about knowledge is that it is power, and once you master a field, you can teach it to others and empower the youth.  I like teaching kids.

When you stay at home, you just wallow in your own delusions.  If you cannot socialize, you cannot work.  That is why autism is a kind of disability.  People with no guile can't succeed in business, because business is about deception not who is objectively better.  

I like playing guitar, cooking meals at home, and doing different combat sports.  I have experience in boxing, and judo and sambo and shootfighting.  I see Muay Thai as flailing bitches and BJJ as a poor derivitive of judo.  The more classical a martial art is, the more efficient a technique and the more it is based on brawling and competition the more it is just punk aggression.  That why I don't like MMA.  It is sloppy strikers vs sloppy grapplers.   You will learn someday that boxing is better than wrestling, and Kung Fu and Aikido is reality martial art.  Most street situations involve weapons, so nobody goes to the ground.  In a situation without weapons, the shoot immediately.  If you shoot on a man with a knife, he will just cut your throat.  

All martial arts were developed in Ancient Greece and they knew boxing is better than wrestling and MMA.  Pankration was essentially the pro wrestling of Ancient Greece.  And the Eastern people took the ball and ran with it.  The Chinese dont have the congential essence to create anything new.  They did not invent kung fu, buddhism, qi gong, computer engineering, the bible, or anything else.  Even TCM is loosely based on Ayurveda.  But since they are dutiful humble people, they borrow ideas from other cultures and take the ball and run with it.  China borrows from India, the same way British musicians borrowed rock n roll from southern blacks.  

So what I am saying is, I am coming to grips with reality.  I must accept where I am at.  I realize my parents didn't do the wrong things, but I must take responsibility for my actions.  Negligence is a crime, and corrupting a youth is a tragedy.  I can live in a diminished state until it is my ordained time.

You will learn some day that you cannot change your time of birth or death.  When you are born and die is a matter of fate.  But whether you are successful and happy and married and beloved is your own doing.  You have volition, you can take action.  

So since I mastered judo, music, and cooking, I can teach these skills to others.  I simply want to leave behind a legacy.  I know I have done some wrong and some good.  But all I want is vindication.  My favorite thing is playing guitar, and I cook some mean vegetarian food.  And I can always dream of the glory days at the dojo.  

So all is not lost.  I remember fondly all my high school teachers.  Most of all, I remember a good high school phys ed coach and a good music teacher.  And I gained some skills in art and writing.   Those were the days.  But I am not Al Bundy and I cannot live in the past.  I will not make any derogitory remark about Ed O'neil because he is blackbelt.  And I am blue belt, so he is more advanced in grappling.

I am a humble loser with a lot of talent.  I can live out my days in peace, and just be satisfied with what I have.  If I can't do self defense, I can pick up a shank.  If I can't get free sex, I can hire some help.  If I can't be a rockstar, I can play my tunes for myself.  Young people should learn to not give up.  If you can't do one thing, do something else.  But just don't give up.  If you can't do boxing, do kickboxing.  If you can't be a wrestler, be a judoka.  If you can't be a rockstar, play guitar at the church.  You are never out of the game until you are dead in the grave.  So as long as you are alive, you have a chance to win.  If you strive in a real way, in accordance with your talents in a realistic way, you will succeed eventually.  And in the end, you will learn that there is no success.  The meaning of life is simply to be happy and useful.

In conclusion, I just want to live a humble life, teach what I know, and live out my years in peace.