Changes

You will find that you cannot outdo your genetics.  You often resemble your parents and have some of their characteristics.  That is why people are proud of their heritage, it defines their identity.  Racial characteristics are very real, and that is why people in America are sensitive about race and gender.  They think they are this and you are that and so we area different.  But this is an artificial distinction.  Race and Gender can change within one's lifetime let alone within many.

I have qualities of my mother and father.  I wasn't raised by my birth parents.  I knew I was different from the people who raised me and different from the people I went to high school and college with.

Overall, I am a Portuguese Jew.  My father is a Latino and my mother is a kind of Jewess.  I also have Native American heritage in me.  I am not a Caucasian and I am not an eastern European Jew.  

I am entering the last phase of my life.  By 40 or so, you are middle aged.  Most people live only 80 or so years, so 40 is mid way through life.  A good Hindu sees that there are four phases of life, and by the third or fourth you should be preparing for the end.

The ideal life is where you start in nutrition and health, then get a career skill, work, retire, and spend your last days meditating on the meaning of life.  To die with contentment is victory.  Yoga is a heroic religion where you win salvation.  It is the real Christianity.

So in my 40 or so years, I went through a lot of changes.  By the time I was a young man, I was a zen immortal, a hunchback, and a musician.  And now in my middle age, that is all I am.  Life comes full circle.  You end up where you started.  The things you do and experience during your lifetime don't really amount to anything, they are just experiences.  That is why rich people are stupid, they want to accumulate possessions when it is better to accumulate friendships and relationships.  They are worth more.

I want to enjoy my time and play more guitar.  Music makes me happy and my music is a combination of music and poetry.  The chords are music and the lyrics are poetry.  It is fun to write a new song.  When I write a new song, I write the chord progression first and then I add the lyrics.  My last song was Song of the Maccabbe which is about the spirit warrior of Jewish mythology.  It is my swan song.  

This world is worthless and you can only grab so much joy from it.  There is a process of life in that you are born in waking up, you go through changes, the sun sets, you enter the nighttime of beings, and then you fall asleep in death.  Your dreams are your mind in the bardo and you are reborn the next day.  So all men and women identify with Osiris the Sun God.  That is where religion comes from.  It started with Osiris, then the Jews innovated the Law, and then Christians synthesized it with Jesus, which is a kind of Jewish Osiris or Dionysus.  Hindus know religion is a kind of mythology from the subconscious and are not stupid. 

I don't mind dying.  I have nothing left to live for.  Music makes dying easy, it is the sound of emotions.  So the best thing I ever did was learn to play guitar.  I have been playing for 25 years which is a quarter of a century, and I feel my music is better than the music of the past 20 years.  I liked Kurt Cobain and felt he let down a generation.  

So I am content.  I am living in a different town now and I like it.  New York City is an important part of the world and Long Island is its suburban neighborhood.  The real estate is expensive for a reason, it is desirable.  Many people live here and work in the city.  And when I drive on the highway during rush hour, I feel bad for the working stiffs who need to spend an extra hour each way sitting in traffic.  The life of a worker seems unnecessary.  It is better to stay local, be less ambitious, and spend less money.  It is possible to live a better life with less money.  Money isn't everything.

So I am learning to like technology less.  I have a couple of acoustic guitars, a notepad, and a drawing pad.  Technology ruins everything.  You think it makes your life easier but it actually enables you.  In every stage of life, technology ruined humanity.  The Industrial revolution made us go from farm to factory.  The car is just a portable bed.  The guitar was the instrument the Twentieth century.  The telephone prevented us from leaving the house.  All new techonology is used for pornography.  And the computer and smartphone made us mindless masturbation addicts.  My life had of been better had I not become dependent on the smartphone and computer.  And driving prevented me from getting out there and meeting people.  

So when you help someone, you are actually belittling them, and when you teach them how to do it for themselves you are empowering them.  It is like that saying 'give a man a fish he eats for a day, teach him how to fish he eats for a lifetime.'

I have been through all the changes in my life and I learned all the lessons.  I can just enjoy the party til I'm done.